So, time for some ground rules
Dear Women of the World,
1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be either looked at in an extremely hostile way, or totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If your eye even falls on the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).
3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right afterwards, because during the World Cup month I won't have time to take you to the doctor or look after you if you catch a cold.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor....it won't happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six-packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
6. If you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "Get over it, it's only a game", or "Don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I shall love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me, and your so-called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game, and you can talk to me during half time, but only when the commercials are on, and only if the half time score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game: hence do not use the World Cup as a cheesy excuse to "spend time together".
8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child-related parties or gatherings that require my attendance because:
a) I will not go, b) I will not go, and c) I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch?" The reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".
12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". Remember that after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, etc etc.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Regards, Men of the World
(PS - if you dont like football, dont bother replying with crap opinions about it - this is a football friendly car site)
_________________
Quote Clarkson, Top Gear, 17th July: "I'm not having a stroke... just driving a Nissan!"
Quote Ry, Mallory Park, 3rd Dec:
"Ahhhh crap... Just a bit too over eager really!""I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I took an arrow in the knee"
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I don't live under false hopes like 90% of the nation that cares, but I like to see us do well. I just wana beat the Germans and French. Then I'll be happy.
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