Pedro rodriguez,one of the chilean miners trapped underground was said to be distraught last nite after being told he'd forgotton to clock on at the start of his shift..

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RUST IS LIGHTER THAN CARBON FIBER

http://www.fiesta-si.com
http://www.fiestaguides.co.uk/

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A black man approached me and said, 'Can you tell me how to get to the train station please?' I said, 'Certainly monkey face. You go past the cotton picking Muhammad, around the crack cocaine, down past the jobcentre and its opposite the banana tree.' As I lay here in hospital i'm thinking to myself, 'Thats the last time I eat those fucking Rowntree's Randoms!'

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RUST IS LIGHTER THAN CARBON FIBER

http://www.fiesta-si.com
http://www.fiestaguides.co.uk/

I got beat up by a 7ft black man last night, all i said was "Golly your tall!"

Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"

His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."

"Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"

"What do you mean?" said Dad.

"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!

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Grandma says to her young grandson: " Be a love and help me put this suppository in"

Course i will gran!

She bends over, pulls her knickers down and spreads her legs

Grandson says: "DO i put in the the brown hole or feed it to the turkey?!?!"

Two mates having a drink. One says 'if i went to your house while you were at work, got a blowie off your wife, sucked her tits, fucked her in the ass and pussy and she got pregnant would that make us related?' mate replies...... 'dunno about related but it would definitely make us even.

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Love that one

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Quote Clarkson, Top Gear, 17th July: "I'm not having a stroke... just driving a Nissan!"
Quote Ry, Mallory Park, 3rd Dec: "Ahhhh crap... Just a bit too over eager really!"
"I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I took an arrow in the knee"

my one is quite disgusting on reflection

Chris's one is pretty good too

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haha some crackers there...

2 Irish bloke are out hunting in the woods when paddy says...

"i'm bursting for a shite but haven't got anything to wipe my arse with!"

Murphy says, "have you got a fiver?"

"yes" says paddy

"well use that!"

so Paddy goes off for 5 minutes and comes back with shit all over his hands and clothes, Murphy says "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU?"

Paddy looks at him and goes, "have you ever tried wiping your arse with 3 pound coins, 5 20ps and two 50 pence pieces?"

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fifi

haha thas a cracker

I was making a cup of tea the other day when my wife said "Go easy on the milk, we've hardly got any". So I held the bottle several feet above the cup and poured it from there.She said "What are you doing?".I replied "Just making it go a bit further"

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