Ok maybe not.

I had this horrible dream last night where this girl named Maddie was shackled down with all these rusty chains pleading for me to let her go.

When I awoke I could hear crying so started heading down the stairs and thankfully to my delight there was no sign of rust on any of the chains

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Theres a nursery near me. It's got big electronic security gates, CCTV cameras everywhere and an electronic entry system.

I love it when girls play hard to get.

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I was just looking at my house on Google Streetview and I saw my wife through the window in the front room, shagging the milkman.

It was only after I'd bludgeoned her to death that I realised that the image was two years old.


When I used to be a milkman.

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Sean Connery came round my house to put some shelves up. They weren't level, so all my ornaments fell off.

He looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, "I'm ashamed of my shelf"

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You don't have to be good at anagrams to see that Pope Benedict is an Epic Bent Pedo.

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So Cheryl Cole is being accused of being racist!

Just when you think she can't get any more perfect!

..Enjoy

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Rest in peace Ben "Jam" Elvin. Gone but never forgotten.

love them all!


Sick bastard!

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crude but very funny lol

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Love them

The rust one is sooo true aswell

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legend

Love em

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Quote Clarkson, Top Gear, 17th July: "I'm not having a stroke... just driving a Nissan!"
Quote Ry, Mallory Park, 3rd Dec: "Ahhhh crap... Just a bit too over eager really!"
"I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I took an arrow in the knee"

_________________


RUST IS LIGHTER THAN CARBON FIBER

http://www.fiesta-si.com
http://www.fiestaguides.co.uk/

My girlfriend is exactly like fifa.... 11

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The Fat Fake Xr2i

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Rest in peace Ben "Jam" Elvin. Gone but never forgotten.

My mate showed me a VHS last night of a black guy being beaten by 10 guys.
I was shocked! Couldn't believe it! I mean, who uses VHS nowadays?

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_________________

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People who are scared of pedophiles should grow up.

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The Fat Fake Xr2i

Haha, good one

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What should you do if you find a woman lying in a ditch at the side of the road?

Ask her why she left the kitchen.



In work were terrible for sick jokes lol

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The Fat Fake Xr2i

Ry - they're brilliant! Got my day off to a good start

The Batman one made me spit my coffee while having a sip

_________________


Quote Clarkson, Top Gear, 17th July: "I'm not having a stroke... just driving a Nissan!"
Quote Ry, Mallory Park, 3rd Dec: "Ahhhh crap... Just a bit too over eager really!"
"I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I took an arrow in the knee"

_________________


RUST IS LIGHTER THAN CARBON FIBER

http://www.fiesta-si.com
http://www.fiestaguides.co.uk/

my mate paddy is shagging a pair of twins . . i asked him, how do you tel them apart?
"thats easy" he said - "tracy's got blonde hair and Dereks got a cock"

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Gary glitter is in Chile now. Only place were you can slide minors up and down your shaft and get applauded.

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Sickiest joke ever?

A woman gets home from working nightshift and decides to wake her husband by giving him oral sex.
She climbs under the bottom of the duvet gently spreads his legs pulls the foreskin right back then sucks his brains out until he quivers and cums like never before.
She then goes to the bathroom to clean up and finds her husband in there shaving! "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN HERE" She yells . . .
"Ssshh" he says "you'll wake your dad"

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