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Dogs and Cats; rules of the home

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woodsy_mv6

Post subject: Dogs and Cats; rules of the home

Posted: Tue Jun 09, 2009 11:46 am

Elite FSI Poster

Joined: Sun Dec 09, 2007 6:18 pm
Posts: 3409
Location: West Sussex. Drives: Too many man sized cars!!
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To all Pet Owners ----- To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats:

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it 'fur'niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours, and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called (well, OK, the cat thinks about it)
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a 'gazillion' pounds for university.

And finally,

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

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From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

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95 Fiesta Si

Post subject: Re: Dogs and Cats; rules of the home

Posted: Tue Jun 09, 2009 11:51 am

FSi Donator

Joined: Sat Mar 05, 2005 2:36 pm
Posts: 2628
Location: Shropshire \ London \ Kent
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so true !

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EvilDes

Post subject: Re: Dogs and Cats; rules of the home

Posted: Tue Jun 09, 2009 11:51 am

Evil Admin

Joined: Tue Dec 21, 2004 8:31 pm
Posts: 13430
Location: Birmingham (near Sutton Coldfield)
Drives:

Like it!

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meilack

Post subject: Re: Dogs and Cats; rules of the home

Posted: Tue Jun 09, 2009 11:51 am

Southern Events Co-Ordinator

Joined: Sat Apr 08, 2006 7:54 pm
Posts: 19134
Location: Didcot, Oxfordshire
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nice one

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Dave G fsi

Post subject: Re: Dogs and Cats; rules of the home

Posted: Tue Jun 09, 2009 7:31 pm

Northern Events Co-Ordinator

Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2007 9:53 pm
Posts: 8546
Location: Sheffield
Drives:

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- Danny Boy -

Post subject: Re: Dogs and Cats; rules of the home

Posted: Tue Jun 09, 2009 8:15 pm

FSI Supporter

Joined: Fri May 23, 2008 12:40 am
Posts: 7094
Location: Portsmouth
Drives:

nice one woodsy

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