There's some good ones there, but who the hell wrote them?
I lived in Ireland for a few years, and I can tell you now they don't speak like that
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| Couple of Paddy and Murphy jokes.. put yours in here! https://www.fiesta-si.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=14155 |
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| Author: | - Danny Boy - [ Fri Jan 23, 2009 6:18 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Couple of Paddy and Murphy jokes.. put yours in here! |
Paddy and Murphy are sat at home. Paddy is doing a crossword. "hey Murph" he says "Sure and I am stuck on this one. Flightless bird from Iceland, 6 and 7 letters". "And 'tis a thick twat that you are Paddy" says Murphy "'Tis simple. Frozen chicken so it is." --------- Paddy and Murphy are in the pub. "Sure and I'm away on me holidays tomorrow" says Murphy "Bring us some fags then, 200 Benson's" says Paddy. Three weeks later they meet in the pub. "And there you are" says Paddy to Murphy "Did youse bring me fags?" "Yer, and 'tis £74.50 youse owe me" says Murphy. "£74.50 sure and 'tis a lot, where youse been?" asks Paddy. "Blackpool" is the reply. --------------- Paddy takes his new wife home on their wedding night. She lies on the bed, spread eagled and naked and says "Paddy, you know what I want" Paddy replies "All the fucking bed by the look of it" -------------- |
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| Author: | - Danny Boy - [ Fri Jan 23, 2009 6:27 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Couple of Paddy and Murphy jokes.. put yours in here! |
Paddy says to Murphy, "What are you Doing Murphy?" Murphy replies. "I'm building a rocket to send to the sun." "Don't be daft!" Paddy says "It'll burn up before it gets there." "Ah well Paddy, I've thought of that already clever cloggs, I'm launching it at night." ---------------- Paddy and Murphy were walking past the local police station when they saw a sign saying "SCOTTISH RAPIST WANTED". Paddy turns to Murphy and says, "Don't the Scots get all the good jobs". --------------- Paddy and Murphy are walking around looking for work when Paddy sees a sign, "Tree fellers wanted". Paddy says to Murphy, its a pitty theres only two of us. --------------- Ah Paddy........... Paddy staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Mick. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Managing not to yell, Paddy sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids. He then began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed. In the morning, Paddy woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt, and with his wife staring at him from across the room. She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you Paddy?" Paddy replied, "And why would you be saying such a mean thing?" "Well," she said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes--but mostly, it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the downstairs mirror! ------------------ paddy and murphy go for an interview at there local shopping centre where B+Q is and halfords and aload of other shops are.The interveiw is at halfords and they both walk in,the manager says "hi the boys,murphy, come threw and we will start straight away with the test". As Murphy walks in the test begins, the manager asks ramdom questions for murphy, maths first says the manager 2+2? murphy says 4, 4+4, murphy says 8 , 8+8 murphy says 16. the manager says correct, physics next murphy, here are a load of fire works, go and make the biggest possible noise you can make. Five minutes laters theres a massive explosion BANG BOOM!!the manager says "FUCKING HELL,how did you do that? " murphy replies i stck them altogether.fair anuf says the manager,last test now, how many letters in the alphabet? murphy says 26.brilliant says the boss, you got the job.send paddy in next please,paddt goes in.hi there paddy?paddy says hi(in a nervous voice). The boss explains what he`s going to be asking and paddy calms down a little bit."maths first says the boss".2+2 paddy says 4, 4+4 paddy says 8, 8+8 paddy says 16, correct says the boss.next is physics paddy, heres a load of fire works, go out side and make the biggest possible noice that you can imagine of, paddy goes out thinking of what he can do,30mins later the was an massive explosion BANG BOOM BANG. The manager says,FUCK ME, how the hell did you get it that loud? paddy says "easy" "stuck them altogether" fair enough says the manager.The last test now paddy is english,"ok says paddy2 how many letters in the alphabet explains the boss "ummm2paddys thinking says "theres 24 in the alphabet" the boss lowers his head and says "sorry paddy, you havnt got the job", why asks paddy, the boss says theres 26 letters in the alphabet ,paddys shouts FUCKIN ANIT,I JUST BLEW B+Q UP!!!!!! --------------- |
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| Author: | EvilDes [ Mon Jan 26, 2009 8:38 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Couple of Paddy and Murphy jokes.. put yours in here! |
| There's some good ones there, but who the hell wrote them? I lived in Ireland for a few years, and I can tell you now they don't speak like that
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| Author: | - Danny Boy - [ Mon Jan 26, 2009 4:08 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Couple of Paddy and Murphy jokes.. put yours in here! |
| i just found them on the net on random websites lol
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| Author: | Dave G fsi [ Mon Jan 26, 2009 7:33 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Couple of Paddy and Murphy jokes.. put yours in here! |
| Like the last one about B+Q!!
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