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PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 3:30 pm 
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Location: other peoples garages
I have a big dog & I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Tesco and was
standing in the queue at the till.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again,
although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last
time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care
ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it
works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply
eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now
enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned.

I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid cow..........why else would I buy fqing dog food??

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Last edited by 1210tech on Sun Aug 10, 2008 1:23 am, edited 3 times in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 3:33 pm 
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Location: West Sussex. Drives: Too many man sized cars!!
Drives:
No matter how often this one comes around, it always cracks me up 8-)

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From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 3:41 pm 
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I went into Clinton cards today. I said to the woman behind the counter, "Do you sell bereavement cards?"

She said, "Yes, sir."

So I said, "Great, could I exchange one for this get well soon card I bought yesterday?"

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 3:46 pm 
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Location: other peoples garages
Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning
she told her husband that she had slept over at a
friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best
friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he
told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's
house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 3:53 pm 
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Location: Didcot, Oxfordshire
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nice jokes :lol:


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 1:22 am 
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You are driving at a constant speed.
On your left is a sheer drop,
On your right is a fire engine travelling the same speed as you,
In front of you is a galloping pig the same size as your car,
Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.

What must you safely do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?














Get the fook off the merry go round you pissed up barsteward!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

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