I had this dilema, and so did some looking aroung.
I bought an LWB Isuzu Trooper over a year ago for towing and off-roading. Not used it much, but when I have it's been spot on.
It happily towed the best part of 2.5 tonnes flat out for about 3 hours as though it were unladen.
I can get it to doughnut on the spot despite having a mere 113bhp.
3 seperate LSD's and yaw-dissable means what mudd fields I have terrorized, it has made light work of.
I used to do some pretty ticky off-roading when I was abit younger in a mates various LR Discos (and for a brief period his Freelander till he learned his lesson and chopped it in for another Disco). Trooper would run rings round it!
Very low geared even on the high ratio diff. Top speed is about 93mph
Suprising ly quick off the mark for something that weighs more than 2000 kilo.
30mpg at a sedate speed on the motorway. 20's most of the time. Think 15 when towing
Some people are like slinkies. Not really good for anything, but bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs!
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.